In April 2017, I was placed on Quetiapine to help with my anxiety and depression. This medication is normally used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist made it very clear to me when I was placed on Quetiapine that I did not have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. This medication was added to my other medications for my mental health to help me think more clearly, feel less nervous, and improve my sleep. I mean, I was waiting for a SECOND double lung transplant, of course I was nervous and couldn’t sleep.
As my health has improved greatly since then, my psychiatrist and I agree it is time for me to come off it. I have been working hard to decrease my dose since December 2017. Unfortunately, something in life seems to strike every time I try and I end up needing to go back to my original dose. Since my last appointment with my psychiatrist, March 6, I have been able to stay at half of my original dose! This is a huge accomplishment.
The reason I am ready to come off this medication is because of the side effects I have been experiencing the past few months. As a diabetic, it is already hard to control my blood sugars. Unfortunately, Quetiapine can be a culprit when it comes to high blood sugar. I have also experienced increase weight gain. This wouldn’t normally be an issue for Cystic Fibrosis patients, but I’m gaining an unhealthy amount of weight in such a short period of time.
Don’t get me wrong, it has been difficult. The first week I didn’t do much. I was extremely emotional and very paranoid. My poor boyfriend who stuck with me through it all. I can’t thank him enough for being there for me during a very difficult time. I was questioning a lot of things in life. I was out of tune with life. I spent most days sleeping and just waking up to eat and check my phone. I started bottling up my emotions and letting them get the best of me and then having breakdowns. I also lost all structure in my life. Because I was just eating and sleeping, I wasn’t working out or working, and I definitely wasn’t eating healthy. I also become very self conscience of my body. I saw that I was gaining weight, what kind of weight I was gaining, and where I was gaining it.
Since that first week, I have been able to accomplish more and more everyday. I started walking my dog, Felix, almost everyday. I have been able to wake up between 8AM and 9 AM everyday, instead of 11AM. I have been able to plan and prepare my meals for an entire week, making it easier to eat healthy. I’m slowly getting back in the gym and have three 5K runs plans between April 14 and September 15! For someone who has had two double lung transplants, being able to run in general is kind of a big deal.
I still struggle with mental illness everyday. I still wake up everyday a little bit nervous of what the day may bring. There are days I need mental rest, to just tune out everything and focus on myself. This is not selfish, this is self care. Looking after your mental health is just as important as focusing on your physical health. Most of the time, these things fall together. Getting up early, eating right, exercising, and drinking water, is both good for your physical and mental health.
My mental illness will always be something I struggle with. It is NOT something that someone can just snap out of. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and it is being treated with medication. This does not make me weak. This does not make me useless. This does not make me crazy. This makes me a fighter, a survivor. This makes me someone who has a battle ahead of them everyday and still gets out of bed.
If you or someone you know, please reach out. There are organizations out there that can help you. Reaching out for help does not make you weak. It makes you strong for speaking out and speaking up for yourself.
Stay strong, I am here with you.
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